oio_jane

Lessons from Janessa"

This is the name of the new book series I'm going to start writing. I think I have ample experience.

Step 1 - Be in the "outcast" group in highschool, just long enough to be unfit for any self-respecting highschool boy to want to date you, but not so long that you don't understand that you want to date. 

Step 2 - Maintain insecurities that cause you to believe that any boy who is flirting with you is either a) patronizing you or b) cruelly mocking you. Because even though more often than not this is not an accurate take on the situation, if this is what you perceive to be going on you will undoubtedly freeze up or emanate icy vibes to let the offender know they should back off. I am guilty of this callous behavior just about anytime some guy I don't know pays any attention to me whatsoever.

Step 3 - Even if you do *gasp* like a boy, make sure everybody who will listen hears that you don't like said person. This will undoubtedly do irreversible damage to the fledgling relationship. Well done you.

Step 4 - Have the appearance of being unappealing*. Glasses? You can do better. Braces? You're getting there. Pale skin? You're almost there. Overweight? Yes! All of the above? Yes! Yes! Yes! You have what it takes to repel boys! (Obviously I will give some leeway on this one. After all, not all boys are as shallow as I believe them to be, and some boys - sick perverted ones - prefer fat girls...I believe the term is "chubby chaser" a word that makes me shudder.)

Step 5 - Don't go out to places that you might come into standard social contact with members of the opposite sex. Why would you go out to a club on a Saturday night if you could instead spend it at your part time job earning minimum wage and serving people you don't give a rat's ass about? Or better yet, you could stay home with your family and watch equally meaningless television, you could read a book (you were an "outcast" after all) or watch a movie, on your own, in your room. You may think that avoiding all contact with the opposite sex would render steps 1-4 irrelevant and you'd be right. If you want to pick only one of the five steps to use as a failsafe, choose this one, it renders the others useless. In effect you only need them in emergencies.